She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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