Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Come see our sink grown plant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
