I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
