There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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