it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
