I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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