I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize