my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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