the condom got lost in my hair
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
