I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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