I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
