4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
