He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
