Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
