Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize