Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
