Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
