I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
