____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
