i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
