I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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