i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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