I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
