so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize