Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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