theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
