last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
