can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
