halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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