Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Swine flu. Run for my life!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
