No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
