it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
