Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my shit smells like andre
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
