Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
