I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize