The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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