I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
