i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
