He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
