Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
