Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
