What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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