You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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