sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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