It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
