I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
