He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
