So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
