Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
