I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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