I'm jealous of your bromance
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
