does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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