her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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