Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
