More tranny stories later!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
