you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
