He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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