Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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