I accidentally had phone sex last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
