my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
