i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
