No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
