where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
