he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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