I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
