There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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