plz talk dirty to me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I want a musical about memes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
