Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
