I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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