She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
