I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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