I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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