i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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